u know, sometimes having a reminder or two helps us all to appreciate what we have in life..lately i find that i've been dissatisfied with hima and all of his stubborness..talked to him and all but things were just the same way..

then i stumbled upon a cousin of his who lost her bf..i think he died but i'm not sure how..and that brought tears to my eyes..cos u couldnt tell she was feeling sad at all..i met her a few times and always she'd be smiling..go to her fb and in all the pictures she'd be smiling..who knew she'd lost someone so dear to her..and to think that she can live on after that and even go out and have fun with her gfs and smile, that is like wow..

then i tried to put myself in her shoes..i think i'd be a wreck..i'd forget how to smile, i'd forget how to live and be human if i'd lost what she did..

then i got reminded again, that life is fragile..and that i could lose anyone i love anytime or they could lose me too..then i rmbr that i should be thankful that i have him, for now, even though he's as imperfect as me, because i'd never know when that day will come when either one of us is not here anymore..

it's very upsetting when faced with reality.i'm getting stressed out abt the whole affair. and i'm not the kind who gets stressed out easily. i wish i was richer. i cant even think up of any wishful thinking.everytime i try to imagine how easy it would be if i were rich, my mind automatically blocks that out.

so there goes my wishful thinking. or daydreaming abt having things the easy way.

and the fact that someday, sooner or later, i'd have to go somewhere else and stay, is weighing down on me.i feel like walking on eggshells all day long, everyday.

and he isnt helping things any further.he's so stubborn sometimes, i forget which one of us is more stubborn.

i guess i'm tired. of arguing, of having doubts and worrying abt money (or the lack of). i just wish that things were simpler.

the hopelessness sank in immediately, taking root into the core of my being, manifesting itself as i struggle to gain control. it enveloped me as i struggle to breathe thru my lungs, cutting out my air supply and choking me.

then i sank into the deepest black and i was blinded by the black sea of hopelessness.i was too tired to struggle any further and i let it seep into my skin, right down to my bones. i breathe out the last of the air in my lungs and collapse into tears.

there's nowhere far away for me. cause wherever i go, i'll always be there, were my last thought before i black out.

yeap, that was how hopelessness felt. my stay has been long overdue.

just when i tot i can settle, i have to leave.

so my fingers are healing fine, the wound that is..went to the poly yest to do the dressing..the wounds are closed and dry cos i've managed to keep it dry all this time..it's like i got the "Get out of Jail" card..i got out of doing housework..wohoo! not that i have to lift a finger cos fareed's around and he does most of the cleaning with his brother..

the index is still numb..i try to touch it and stimulate it everyday but doing that hurts very much..who knows my finger would be able to feel one day, right?

ok so a few shitty things happened yest..

firstly, the damned cursed atm machine ate my card..my old grey card, the first type that posb issued bearing my full name got eaten by the dmned machine..and i was trying to withdraw a huge amt of money too..but thankfully my money wasnt deducted.i havent heard horror stories of money being deducted but the person never got the money..but i'm still pissed..i just made a new card..and it's blue (i hate blue) and doesnt have my name..it's so impersonal..i was so proud of that card..so very proud of it.sigh.

secondly..siti kene sampok..yup u got that right..i have never seen anyone being possessed before..and i was face to face with her, talking to her, trying to get her to fight off that thing..and the thing is, it's during bulan puasa yang mulia so i was asking myself, kenape dia kena kacau eh..but that was damn scary..when dia campak Quran and her eyes widen and her face to turn pale and she started screaming her head off, i tell you, half my soul actually ran away..haha! but i made myself berani and shouted some verse loudly at her and that made her scream even more..

after that the guys took over..her husband prayed while fareed held her down and started reciting some prayers..my legs were shaking..

then she was ok..but that thing masuk lagi..so dia kena kacau dua kali..

and the ironic part was that we were all looking forward to listening to misteri jamdoblas..and there, there waas one right in the living room..

that made me miss the timing to wish amalina happy birthday..

so that's my explanation babe..i'm not shitting abt it..

Stay with me - Finch

Once again your eyes make it hard to say goodbye
So i'll just keep driving
Where do you wanna go?
It doesn't really matter as long as you are here with me
With me
With me

Whoa, there's something in the air tonight
Something that makes me feel alive and i say
Whoa, what were the words that you said to me
That made me feel so special now

Once again your eyes make it hard to ask you why
So i sit here knuckles tight
Hands against the wheel
Your head against the glass and you mean so much to me
To me
To me

Whoa, there's something in the air tonight
Something that makes me feel alive and i say
Whoa, what were the words that you said to me
That made me feel so special now

Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay)
Stay with me
Cigarettes and open air, hand in hand
I said stay with me
Cuz every star that i see is brighter than the last
So stay with me