I finally got the guts to eat the cough syrup. It was nasty but very effective. Within a few minutes, my head started to get heavy. Very heavy. So i didnt get my fix last night. Oh well.

Then i went into a blissful, dreamless sleep. Which extended all the way till 640 this morning. The drug was so powerful that i didnt hear my alarm. I woke up and i was still groggy. I walked in zig-zags to the toilet. And i was still drugged that i didnt panic.

It's good that this morning i was drowsy cos i got back my bio results back. It totally suck. Oh well. Just have to continue to study more. That means more trips to tampines library. Yeay. =)

Wish you were here- Incubus

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy
Happy

I wish you were here

I lay my head onto the sand
The sky resembles a black-lit canopy with holes punched in it
I'm counting UFO's,
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy
Happy

I wish you were here

The world's a rollercoaster
And I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air
Sayin

I wish you were here

Ps: This is for you.

I knew it was travis. I had that song in my head since 3 days ago and it's still in my head. Maybe that's why i'm feeling kinda emo nowadays.

Like for example, i got back my chem paper 2 result. I had no reason to fail it but i did. I can't blame anyone else but me. Damnit. I don't usually get affected if i fail something but today i was. Only for a while. Oh well.

I live for the night. That's when i'm most alive. Turning into a nocturnal creature i guess.

Re-offender- Travis

Keeping up appearances
Keeping up with the Jones'
Fooling my selfish heart
Going through the motions

But I'm fooling myself
I'm fooling myself

Cause you say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say your sorry
And then you do it again, you do it again

Everybody thinks you're well
Everybody thinks I'm ill
Watching me fall apart
Falling under your spell

But you're fooling yourself
You're fooling yourself

Cause you say you love me
And then you do it again, you do it again
You say your sorry
And then you do it again, you do it again

I can't believe i had the guts to say the things i said last night. I wonder where that came from. But at least it wasn't so stupid. Or freaky. Haha. Can't wait to get my fix tonight.

Taking u out of my blood

I couldn't help it. They just came out. I kept thinking, she should be here with everyone. But she wasn't. It was hard to break the news to anyone who asked. It was especially hard to tell the one i love. I couldn't help but cry. I'm surprised at people's reaction. Like they know i feel like crap and they left me alone.

I hate him for doing this to her and everyone else. She's not the only one who gets hurt. Everyone who matters to her as well. Why can't he see that?

Echo- Incubus

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight

My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way . . .

Could you show me dear, something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear, something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something, someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing

Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way . . .

The outsider- A perfect Circle

Help me if you can
It's just that this, is not the way i'm wired
So could you please,

Help me understand why
You've given in to all these
Wreckless dark desires you're
Lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Come on to this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, why do I wanna watch you

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, no beligerence
Narcisistic, drama queen, craving fame and all this decadance

Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Come to this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, why do I wanna watch you

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

They were right about you
They were right about you

Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it put it on the fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Come on to this , why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, come to this, come to this

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die

If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere,
Do it somewhere far away from here

PS: I'm addicted to this song now.

Paranoia sets in the moment i wake up. Then the craving starts hitting me. It's hard to suppress the urge to grab my handphone first thing in the morning. I'm becoming an addict. The withdrawal symptoms can already be seen.

And when night falls, i start drifting off into outer space. Too bad i'm alone on that journey. Maybe that's why i keep on saying stupid things. Maybe that's why i tend to screw things up. I should shut my mouth.

And yes, it does matter to me if we're going somewhere only we know. Maybe not to you. Nevermind.

Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

I'm sick. Of running. Literally. I want things to settle soon. I'm tired of hiding.

But i'm still alive and kicking. I try to forget about what's happening. Sometimes i do. Thanks to the people around me. But it keeps catching up to me. I miss my place. I long to go back there. Nevermind that in here, there are far better stuff.

I'm still tired. I need a long vacation. I need to sleep forever and not wake up.

Coldplay keeps me going. And my batman.

X and Y- Coldplay

Trying hard to speak and
Fightin' with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
So part of the plan
When something is broken
And you try to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way you can

I'm diving off the deep end
You become my best friend
I wanna love you
But I don't know if I can
I know something is broken
And I'm trying to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way I can

You and me are floating on a tidal wave
Together
You and me are drifting into outer space
And singing

A rush of blood to my head

The past two days:
I smelled like crap. I looked like hell. I was scared shitless.

Today:
I smell nice thanks to my cousin's shampoo. Haven't had time to wash my hair the past two days. I don't look so much like death anymore.

Haven't had any time to study. The paper i just sat for was so boring cos i didnt know what the hell was going on. So i finished it in 20 minutes and stared at my freiend's hair. When she got near enough, i pulled her hair and played with it. Then i started doodling all over my paper. So the teacher marking it would find the lyrics to some coldplay songs.

I dont really know where to go now. So i'm wasting my time in the library here. But i'm so drained. I wanna crawl home and hide under my blankie and go to sleep forever. Thank you to everyone who has been helping me all along. I'd die without your support.

The scientist- Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Taste of Ink- the Used

Is it worth it?
Can you even hear me?
Standing with your spotlight on me.
Not enough to feed the hungry.
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now.
In this sea of lonely,
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day.
Still I can see it coming,
While I'm standing in the river drowning.
This could be my chance to break out,
This could be my chance to say goodbye.
At last it's finally over.
Couldn't take this town much longer.
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be.
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am, it's in my hands
And I'll savour every moment of this.
So here I am, alive at last
And I'll savour every moment of this.

Won't you think I'm pretty,when
I'm standing top the bright lit city?
And I'll take your hand and pick you up,
and keep you there so you can see it.
So as long as you're alive I care,
I promise I will take you there
We'll drink and dance the night away.

Sorrow- Box car racer

Because i need you more than you need me
Because i want you more i know

I'm sorry please forgive me,
believe me if you would

Because i care way more
Because i really felt that you felt so much more i know

I'm sorry please forgive me,
believe me if you would
I'm sorry please forgive me,
believe me if you could

I have 10 mins before my chem. I feel prepared for it tho.

Yesterday i found out that i have a stalker. How cool is that? Haha. I was caught off-guard. I mean really. If i knew i had one, i would have dressed less sloppily.

But last nite i got my stalker into trouble. I feel bad abt it man. I dun think he would want to stalk me anymore. He's so nice stalking me, but all i gave him was trouble. I'm such a bother. Sigh.

I went to sleep last night smiling.

I woke up late today, but still i was smiling.

I was supposed to read my maths notes on the bus, but i ended up smiling to myself.

I sat in the exam hall, waiting for the paper to start and i still found myself smiling.

The paper started, i looked at the first question. It looked pretty tough. But still i smiled.

Even now, as i'm typing this, i'm smiling like a silly fool.I wonder why.

Someone must have put a spell on me. Either that or i've gone completely mad.

Digital Bath- Deftones

You move like I want to
To see like your eyes do
We are downstairs where
No one can see
New life breakaway

Tonight I feel like more
Tonight I

You make the water warm
You taste foreign
And I know you can see
The cord breakaway

Cause tonight I feel like more
Tonight I feel like more
Feel like more

You breathed
Then you stopped
I breathed then dried you off

And tonight
I feel like more
Tonight

Just had my first paper. Chemistry. Imagine the horror. First thing monday morning. The first line that i wrote was: "SiO is a giant molecular layered structure...."
Then i started to stone. I stone even when i walk. I wonder why.
Plus i was late. So that helped even more. I was late not cos i woke up late, but cos i left the damn calculator in my other bag. I ran back home for nothing. In the end, i was still late. Damnit.

I need a vespa. Seriously. Anyone interseted to help me? I can open up a "Save For Wati's Vespa" fund.

Oh yes, I'm still sick. I've always been, anyway. And i gave nat a scare the other day when i told her that i overdose on panadol. I went home from library in a cab to puke my guts out at home. Sweet. I gave naj a scare too. She was the one who sent me off in a taxi.

Bad mood swings lately. If you're sensitive, pls stay out of my way. Pms i guess. Hehe.

That's abt it. Naj's complaining again. Haha.

Warning Sign- Coldplay

A warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realised
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses

Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so

A warning sign
It came back to haunt me, and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
When you were an island to discover

And I'm tired
I should not have let you go

So I crawl back into your open arms

He put a spell on me

I've got a new scent. It's a concoction of cat food, cat pee and cat poop. Basically, i smell like crap. No amount of body spray can get rid of the cat smell.

Bell's her name, attacking me is her game. She claws, bites and chews my fingers, arm, clothes and even my toes. She follows me around the house. And it's freaky cos she has a bell. So i hear a tinkle everywhr i go. I guess i can strike off the no. 4 on my to-do list. I've been losing sleep cos of the kitten.

After she's finish biting my ass, she'll drape herself around me and sleep on me. So i can't move. She'll sleep on my lap or neck, it doesn't matter as long as she's comfortable with it even if i'm not. It's like she thinks she owns me.

But she's soooo cute. She looks like a minature tiger. And like on, she's got sharp teeth. Haha.

Things to do

1. Find out if addiction leads to obsession

2. Get a double dose of my fix today. I didnt get any last night.

3. Stop smiling to myself. I look psychotic.

4. Stop sleeping so much. I'm starting to get bedroom eyes.

5. Study. Study. Study.

6. Don't crash and burn. Most important of all.