Watch out: Long post.

They called me back. I went to the interview and i got the job! I'm starting tmr night. So i get an excuse to sleep in tmr. Yeay.

This is what i've planned and it's the only thing that's working out. Everything else went down the drain, no matter how much i held on to it and tried.

It's funny how i'm able to forget to bring an umbrella when it's raining outside but i can remember random conversations. And i do get affected by it. That explains the mood swings.

I probably left behind a trail of confusion. If explainations are required, i'd gladly explain. If ignorance is the way, then i'd be oblivious to the confusion.

I just realised, everyone pulled away from me. How did i get so blind?

Am i part of the cure or am i part of the disease?



This girl at far east asked me to go for a free sliming session. I looked at her and told her straight to her face that i was happy with my body.

Remember the ad that has a malay girl saying, "My boyfriend said i look like a bouncer, then i lost 22kg!"

If it were me, i'd say, "My boyfriend said i look like a bouncer, then i broke 22 of his bones!"

That's how i feel. So stop harrasing me by asking me to go for a stupid slimming session.

I lost my voice after singing Greenday's Holiday. I sound like a rock star. Huhu! And it was so hard to make myself heard in class. The girls laughed at me whenever i tried to clear my throat unsuccessfully. It wasn't phlegm. I dunno what's wrong. This is by far, the first time i lost my voice. I have to find it back.

But then again, it gives me an excuse not to speak to anyone.

Being in there has made me wiser. I look at things more differently now. I always have, that's why i'm weirder than everyone else. It's a lesson that i'm learning. I'm glad that they like me.

The last advice one of them shouted at me was to eat more and make myself fat. Haha. I guess black does make u look slim afterall.

I'm not down anymore. I made myself forget the past- the things that are holding me down. Anger helps.

Holiday- Greenday

Say, Hey!

Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame
The shame
The ones who died without a name
Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery"
And bleed, the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line
To find, the money's on the other side
Can I get another Amen?
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men
A gag, a plastic bag on a monument

The representative from California has the floor
"Zieg Heil to the president gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

This is our lives on holiday

In my place- Coldplay

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

And yeah
How long must you wait for it?
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
For it
I was scared, I was scared
Tired and under prepared
But I'll wait for it
And if you go, if you go
And leave me down here on my own
Then I'll wait for you, yeah

Singing please, please, please
Come back and sing to me, to me, me
Come on and sing it out, now, now
Come on and sing it out to me, me
Come back and sing

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
And I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah

Yeaaaay! I feel like doing a chicken dance. Exams are over. No more uniforms for the rest of my life. Huhu!

And today will be my third day of raya outing. How sad is that? All my raya money are gone. So i gotta go collect again today. Haha.

So i guess that's about it. No bitching today. It's still too early.

And we're friends =>

Today was my first day of work. But i was late, it started to rain, i got wet, my left ankle hurt, i was distracted and i smelt like a wet cat. So it was a bad first day. But the people were ok. I was scared shit but it turned out ok. By the end, my back was aching, my throat was dry and i was in no mood to converse anymore to anyone.

It wasn't an act. It was a moment of weakness and i shouldn't have told anyone. Now it has become a big deal. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Stupid me.

If you look down on me cos i lack something, it doesn't make you any better. And it's not your place to say, but you did anyway. Oh well.

I guess i found out why. I didn't know if i wanted to know in the first place. But i did. Oh well.

I didn't know it was a pre-requiste. I thought i could change and that someone would help me with it. But i guess i don't fit in the criteria. I was just not there.

But interestingly, I feel the sense of freedom emerging from within. I'm breaking out of all these sad emo songs and going back to the good ol' punk rock. I feel lost, distant and heading nowhere- but at least i'm not heading in the wrong direction. I guess this is a wasabi thing, not a chili padi situation.

Last night- that had to be a joke, right? Right?

Once again, my theory has been proven right. So why do i even bother anymore? Stupid me.

Oh well. What am i to do with all these silence?

Empty Apartment- Yellowcard

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

The weather has been lovely and depressing. It's funny how the weather knows exactly how i feel. And right now, i can break down in here but no one will care.

No one cared that i havent been eating.

No one cared that i've been throwing up and i dont even know why.

No one cared that i've been sad.

No one cared that i've been walking in the rain, in the biting cold.

Everyone looks through me. It makes me wonder if i'm still alive. I have to be cos i feel hurt. But i might as well be dead. What's the use? I'm breaking down. Mr Hyde is getting tired.

What am i going to do with all these silence?

I'm lost. I've become a stranger, even to myself.

I keep asking myself, what went wrong? Am i to blame for it? But i've tried and there's nothing left for me to do but pick up the pieces and pull myself together.

Don't speak- No Doubt

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend

I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening

As we die,
both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Last train home- The Lost Prophets

One! Two! Three!

To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all part of the choices that you make
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know whats going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here

But we sing
If we're going no where
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing with out a reason to never fall in love
To never fall in love again

Everywhere i look around, i see how everyone ought to be. Everytime i see myself, there's always something wrong with me.

Fuck it.

It makes me wonder, how long have lies been told to me?

Fuck that too.

By the way, i cant read shit on my tagboard cos the computers in tampines libaray categorise it as chat. Whatever. So drop me a comment instead.

What went wrong?- Blink 182

I'm sick of always hearing
All the sad songs on the radio
All day it is there to remind an over sensitive guy
That he's lost and alone, yeah

I hate our favorite restaurant,
favorite movie,
our favorite show
We would stay up all through the night
We would laugh and get high
And never answer the phone

I can't forgive
an't forget
Can't give in
what went wrong
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life

I'm sick of always hearing
Sappy love songs on the radio
This place is fucking cursed in its plague
And I can never escape when my heart it explodes

I can't forgive
Can't forget
Can't give in
what went wrong
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life

I'm kicking out fiercely of the world around me
What went wrong
I'm kicking

Mr Hyde-Dr Jekyll

This is a story of a Mr Hyde-Dr Jekyll.

In phase one, Mr Hyde is this monster who is hurt and angry. Very angry. He's misunderstood by all. If you're lucky, you'd meet Dr Jekyll instead. Now he is calm, sensible and appears unhurt. He'd say the things you want to hear but it's all bullshit. Interestingly, Mr Hyde is human. Dr Jekyll is his alter-ego. If you're unlucky, well, Mr Hyde would just break your pretty nose.

In phase two, Mr Hyde starts to fade away. Dr Jekyll takes over. In most cases, this is a short phase. Dr Jekyll is in denial. In his mind's eyes, everything is back to normal. Back to the time when he was happy. Back to when everything didnt go downhill. This is also the period were he finds carving for comfort food, like potato chips. This is to get ready for the next phase.

In phase three, this is when reality sets in. It is usually the longest and hardest. This is also when he loses his appetite and don't give a fuck about anything. He can either chose to drown in his sorrows or keep himself busy with work. Only time will tell if our dear Dr Jekyll lives.

What went wrong? This feels like crap. So many questions. But i've got a few answers:

Q: What happened?
A: A gaping hole.

Q: Why is it blur?
A: Cos it rains here.

Q: What's that sound?
A: The throbbing of my head.

Q: Why did it all happen?
A: Cos God hates me.

Q: What changed?
A: A mind.

Q: What broke?
A: Promises and a heart.

Q: What is felt?
A: Hurt, anger, betrayal.

Q: What is left?
A: A useless, meaningless note.

Q: What is left to do?
A: Wait for the car to hit.

My last post.

Ok. This will probably be my last post. But don't cry over this. I know all you people will miss my funny posts. Hehe.

I'll get my comp fixed. Even if i need to kill people for it. But i will get it done.

So anyways, take care everyone. Have a great psychotic end of the year.