For this post, i shall stop being ambiguous. I've got an amusing story to tell. Here it goes:

I first saw him while working. I was working, he was bumming around using the internet. Since the first time i saw him, he looks so familiar but i cant put a finger as to where i've seen him before. So then one fine day,while i was working, he came with a capped friend.The both of them sat at one of the terminals. They caught my attention and i was obliged to attend to them. So i did. They asked me what time i finish work.That caught me by surprised. Customers don't usually ask that. So i told them and left. Then they called me again. This time, the capped friend asked for my number. He said it was for his fren. But i kept avoiding the request. I made up excuses and left. But they kept disturbing me throughout the time i was working. So in the end, i relented and gave in. He even dared to come up to the counter area and told me that he had saomething that he wanted to let me know after i finish my shift.

So then i finish work. We sat and talked. He said that he had noticed me for weeks already and that he wanted to get to know me better. He told me a bit of himself. I sat there and listened. I wasn't feeling anything at all. I didn't want to know him. I wasn't interested but i didnt tell him that cos he seemed so eager.

So the next day, i finish work early and he met me. We talked for a long time at the viewing mall. He told me that i looked like his ex-fiance who died in his motorbike accident. He said that he'd picked her up from home and they were on the way to his chalet in east coast when it happened. It was raining and slippery and a truck cut into his lane without any signals.They skidded and just before she died, she told him that she loved him and to move on. He said that since that day,he stopped riding and he cried till blood came out of his eyes. He even said that he saw her ghost. He had been with her for 5 years and lost her last year. He said now it's time for him to move on and that he has chosen me. I was speechless by what i heard. Then he asked me to be his girl. I told him that i don't want to answer that just as yet. But he kept forcing me to give an answer by the end of that day. This troubled me but still i didnt say anything.

A day later, a fren of mine heard abt me and him and she gave me a stern warning. She refused to tell me what happened between him and a colleague of ours. So i asked him straight out instead. At first he pretended not to know who she is. After being really cold towards him, then he admitted that he might have known her.

After that day, i told him that i didnt like where we were going. It was too fast for me and i didnt really know him well yet. Plus i was told that all his frens dont have anything good to say abt him. That worried me again. Plus i just couldn't trust him and i didnt know why. It was an instinct. Then he stopped calling or showing up at my work place.

I was in the kitchen doing grill. I wanted to confirm the number of corn called when i saw him at the counter buying something. I was stunned.

The next morning, he called me and said that what i said is true. That it's better if we took things slow. He said that he still wanted to know me and that he loves me. I didnt say anything. The thing is i dont want him at all. Then he called again and asked me if i wanted him still. I said idont know. He was shocked. He didnt expect that.

A few days later, my brother told me that he saw him and a girl hugging under the block near me block. I was furious. I called him up and this was how it went:

Me: I heard form two people and i believe them. Who the fuck were you hugging under the blk?
Him: Um...My ex.
Me: And that gives u a reason to hug her?
Him: I admit, it's my fault.
Me: Ok, nevermind. Tell me,do u have a bike license?
(I heard from my brother that he doesnt have one)
Him: Yes,but kena gantung.
Me: Did u have one?
After a long pause and me screaming into the phone in the middle of TM...
Him: No.

After that, i told him that he was fucked up and a mother fucking liar and that if i ever see him again i'm going to fucking hurt him. Then i hung up.

So,if anyone reading this ever get to know a guy by the name of Feddly, do me a favour and break his nose ok?

I won't show u my anger, i won't show u my hatred. But don't ever provoke me or ur asking for a deathblow.

I've been keeping quiet all these years but it's time for me to speak up. What ur asking from me is ur own demise.

Threaten me and u'll end up hanging onto ur life in a puddle of ur own blood.

My anger still hasn't subsided. I'm in an unstable state of mind to do anything in my power to get rid of the problem, in this instance, you.

I'm not that little girl who fears u anymore. In case u haven't noticed, i've grown up. I don't run in fear from u anymore. Be very careful what u say to me.

It's time for a revolution.

What the fuck?

I forgot my password and username for the use of the infotap in the library. I had to do the whole routine again. Then they gave me a temporary password, told me to change it myself. But i can't find the fucking link to change it. Might as well i just use the one they gave me. At least i won't forget. Hopefully.

I was walking towards him. I crushed the polar paper bag in my hand. My intention was to throw it away into the green bin beside him. I was a few steps away. I saw that he was smoking. Then he did something which made me do a detour around him. He actually reached into the bin and took out this half empty bubbletea cup and started drinking thru the straw. In that split second, i thought up a thousand reason why i shouldn't throw away that polar paper bag. First of all, i didn't want him to go after my trash and start scouring for any leftovers, which there weren't. I didnt want to disappoint him. And secondly, it was rude to interupt a thirsty man drinking. I won't be surprised if he got that cigarette from that bin as well. Oh well. Poor guy.

So, he's still not back home. It's sad but i'm coping with it. All my begging for him to return fell on deaf ears. So i just gave up. He's happy tho. That's good enough for me.

And yesterday i did a stupid thing. Hardly surprising tho. I couldn't control myself. It was as if i was someone else, unable to control my bodily funtions. I only had one single logical electron in my brain and it failed me yesterday. It's like my fingers were having a mutiny. They refused to listen to my brain. So now i have to face the consequences, even my fingers.

It's funny how i wasn't thinking of him but i still dreamt about him. It was horrible cos it was abt him. In the dream i wanted to kill him which i didnt manage to unfortunately. Too bad. I wonder what i would do if i ever see him on the streets. Would i turn into a banshee and scare the shit out of everyone? Haha. That would be a sight to behold.

I wonder why people stare at me. What's wrong with them? Or maybe there's something wrong with me.

Everywhere i look around, i see how everyone ought to be. Everytime i see myself, there's always something wrong with me.

I'm starting to feel the craving coming up again. All this time, i've kept the monster under control but now it's surfacing again.

I'm gonna be an addict again.

Shit.

Oh yeah, i forgot. The song of the moment: Thinking of you by A perfect circle.

I think i know why.

Things have been crazy. The recent past has been forgotten but history is catching on. Why can't i let go when i've been thru this many times?

I can't help myself. Something has to be done. But what?

It's been real fucked up. I've done stupid things that i'll never wanna do. I dun wanna fall in that trap again. I need someone to guide me thru. Or maybe i just need an absolution. Whatever it is, i'm not even trying to help myself. Just going thru the motions.

Maybe i need a psychologist.

I hear voices in my head, is that reasonable enough?

Don't hate me cos i'm crazy. Don't ignore me cos i'm ignorant. Just don't look down on me when i'm at my lowest.