What the fuck?

I forgot my password and username for the use of the infotap in the library. I had to do the whole routine again. Then they gave me a temporary password, told me to change it myself. But i can't find the fucking link to change it. Might as well i just use the one they gave me. At least i won't forget. Hopefully.

I was walking towards him. I crushed the polar paper bag in my hand. My intention was to throw it away into the green bin beside him. I was a few steps away. I saw that he was smoking. Then he did something which made me do a detour around him. He actually reached into the bin and took out this half empty bubbletea cup and started drinking thru the straw. In that split second, i thought up a thousand reason why i shouldn't throw away that polar paper bag. First of all, i didn't want him to go after my trash and start scouring for any leftovers, which there weren't. I didnt want to disappoint him. And secondly, it was rude to interupt a thirsty man drinking. I won't be surprised if he got that cigarette from that bin as well. Oh well. Poor guy.

So, he's still not back home. It's sad but i'm coping with it. All my begging for him to return fell on deaf ears. So i just gave up. He's happy tho. That's good enough for me.

And yesterday i did a stupid thing. Hardly surprising tho. I couldn't control myself. It was as if i was someone else, unable to control my bodily funtions. I only had one single logical electron in my brain and it failed me yesterday. It's like my fingers were having a mutiny. They refused to listen to my brain. So now i have to face the consequences, even my fingers.

It's funny how i wasn't thinking of him but i still dreamt about him. It was horrible cos it was abt him. In the dream i wanted to kill him which i didnt manage to unfortunately. Too bad. I wonder what i would do if i ever see him on the streets. Would i turn into a banshee and scare the shit out of everyone? Haha. That would be a sight to behold.

I wonder why people stare at me. What's wrong with them? Or maybe there's something wrong with me.

Everywhere i look around, i see how everyone ought to be. Everytime i see myself, there's always something wrong with me.

I'm starting to feel the craving coming up again. All this time, i've kept the monster under control but now it's surfacing again.

I'm gonna be an addict again.

Shit.