I don’t want to physically talk abt it. It’s so useless. That’s why.

Now i need to get a place of my own. Give it a name, home maybe? How it hurts to know and even guess that the people i see all around are going home. Home. How come it’s so hard for me to even get that.

I am not welcomed here anymore. I thought i was. I am afterall their flesh and blood. But hell, i was wrong. How did it get so wrong?

Why is she more welcomed to stay here than i am? She’s not even family. Not yet anway.

Mom spelt it out to me. They don’t love me anymore and that hurt me like fuck. U don’t tell someone something like that. Then she told me that her husband has a place on “standby” for me. But she told me to BEHAVE myself.
Oh yes, i have to stop wrecking havoc everywhere i go. Damnit woman.

So now i have a few options. I’m not pessimistic, so of course i have a few ideas in mind.
Option a is to take on another job, demand for more pay. That way i can still continue with school.
Option b is to marry a fucking rich guy. This is nearly impossible cos i cant even get a fucking decent one.
Option c would be to drop out (ouch! Did i hear my heart breaking?) from school. This is to ensure that i have enough to eat from day to day.
Option d, is of course as a last resort, is to just die. Yep, curl up and die.

So for now, i’m hanging on to option a. I dun want to have to slip all the way to d now, would i?

And i’m so sorry for blowing everyone who’s asking me to go for jalan raya. Not that i’m wanted anyway. But it’s just that none of u can ever go to my home. Home? Wat home? See, that’s wat i mean. Paisey la, if go to ur houses and then stop at my turn. So i rather not face the embarrassing situation. Plus i’m not in my happiest of moods to go “celebrating” and walk around in uncomfortable shoes that i blew my precious money on. i’d rather fast forever. Maybe i will have to soon. Haiz, wells.