we had a good talk last night..but it took me going off without telling him, and him looking for me at the entire estate only to realise that i might be at the playground near his block.

and there i was..

he promised to share with me his concerns and problems from now on..if i'm not wrong, we've had this similar convo before.that just kills me..that he doesnt want to share with me..he said not everyone is the same and i told him to put himself in my shoes and imagine how he'd feel if i had a problem but i didnt share with him..

and he pinkie promised me..

for a while i tot, oh god, there's someone else..but no, i was just being paranoid..

i just hope that he'd be able to hold on to that promise..

and that i'd be able to remember the promise!

now is really not a good time to be emotional but i am..it's the stupid hormonal imbalance..i feel like lashing out on people the whole day..one sec i'd be angry, the next i'd be sad..it's so stupid.
now..i saw this girl, not really a girl more like a lady.. she was wearing a tudong and she's the prettiest lady i've ever seen..she's got fair and flawless skin and she's got style and grace..

which got me thinking abt his ex..she's beautiful too..in fact she looks a bit like the lady i saw in the bus..and i was thinking maybe that is why he doesnt sacrifice for me so much..it's that i'm not as pretty as his ex..maybe he doesnt even love me as much as he did her..maybe that is why he chose to go to his rt even when im not feeling well..like he doesnt want to take care of me..

but he said he couldnt skip today cos it's his ippt..but he just had one last week! i dont know if he's lying..i dont know what to believe anymore..but he hasnt given me any reason not to distrust him..yet..

and that was why i teared up in the bus..it was insane man..i was so embarrassed..then i pretend to be rubbing my eyes..but the lump in my throat was still there..that was hard to swallow..

but maybe, just maybe, it's just the hormones talking..

i might just be going insane..

ama i know i havent blogged in a while..i forgot my password.

it's been really frustrating. they're like freeloaders.leech.