so my fingers are healing fine, the wound that is..went to the poly yest to do the dressing..the wounds are closed and dry cos i've managed to keep it dry all this time..it's like i got the "Get out of Jail" card..i got out of doing housework..wohoo! not that i have to lift a finger cos fareed's around and he does most of the cleaning with his brother..

the index is still numb..i try to touch it and stimulate it everyday but doing that hurts very much..who knows my finger would be able to feel one day, right?

ok so a few shitty things happened yest..

firstly, the damned cursed atm machine ate my card..my old grey card, the first type that posb issued bearing my full name got eaten by the dmned machine..and i was trying to withdraw a huge amt of money too..but thankfully my money wasnt deducted.i havent heard horror stories of money being deducted but the person never got the money..but i'm still pissed..i just made a new card..and it's blue (i hate blue) and doesnt have my name..it's so impersonal..i was so proud of that card..so very proud of it.sigh.

secondly..siti kene sampok..yup u got that right..i have never seen anyone being possessed before..and i was face to face with her, talking to her, trying to get her to fight off that thing..and the thing is, it's during bulan puasa yang mulia so i was asking myself, kenape dia kena kacau eh..but that was damn scary..when dia campak Quran and her eyes widen and her face to turn pale and she started screaming her head off, i tell you, half my soul actually ran away..haha! but i made myself berani and shouted some verse loudly at her and that made her scream even more..

after that the guys took over..her husband prayed while fareed held her down and started reciting some prayers..my legs were shaking..

then she was ok..but that thing masuk lagi..so dia kena kacau dua kali..

and the ironic part was that we were all looking forward to listening to misteri jamdoblas..and there, there waas one right in the living room..

that made me miss the timing to wish amalina happy birthday..

so that's my explanation babe..i'm not shitting abt it..

Stay with me - Finch

Once again your eyes make it hard to say goodbye
So i'll just keep driving
Where do you wanna go?
It doesn't really matter as long as you are here with me
With me
With me

Whoa, there's something in the air tonight
Something that makes me feel alive and i say
Whoa, what were the words that you said to me
That made me feel so special now

Once again your eyes make it hard to ask you why
So i sit here knuckles tight
Hands against the wheel
Your head against the glass and you mean so much to me
To me
To me

Whoa, there's something in the air tonight
Something that makes me feel alive and i say
Whoa, what were the words that you said to me
That made me feel so special now

Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay)
Stay with me
Cigarettes and open air, hand in hand
I said stay with me
Cuz every star that i see is brighter than the last
So stay with me

all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go.

well, not all my bags..but one is..for now..i dont intend to go away forever..just a few days..to get my mind sorted out..i have been feeling down lately..since he told me he doesnt want me to be around during hari raya..as if i was planning to celebrate it in the first place..

i'm mentally prepared to leave..until he said i'd never see him again if i leave.

at first, i hesitated..of course i still wanna see him again..but then i was thinking, maybe, juat maybe it'd be a good idea to leave..it'd be best if we dont see each other again..

i get irritated when i see a bunch of photos of anyone and in all the pictures, the person is smiling the exact same smile..argh! don't they have other kinds of smile? and what's worse when the smile is not even a smile..more like parting their lips slightly and passing that off as a smile..

sheesh..

took off the stitches today.. i dont know which was worse, the stitching or taking it off. i guess both equally hurts..the pain from the wound wasnt the only thing that sucked big time..it was the pain frm the nerve..one side of my index finger has lost feeling..i can only feel very little..it's numb and will permanently stay that way..

the nerve pain is killing me..it's like getting electrocuted..u knw when u touch an exposed circuit and ur finger gets that numbed buzz? yeah, that's how it is..

on another note..i dont get it why people will state their suicidal intentions on facebook and let everyone that he/she knows read abt how depressed he/she is..that is totally seeking attention..that's stupid man..keep 'em to urself..AND if that person is feeling my physical pain right, i bet he/she would change his/her mind abt killing him/herself..hah!

it's been a long time since i felt like giving up on life. he made me feel like that today. and they way he touched me scared me. like he was going to hit me. i dont ever want him to touch me anymore. i cringed at his touch. how can someone i love so much make me feel this way? feel so unwanted. he was all that i had. and he wanted me to go away during this period of time when i need someone real bad esp since it's going to be raya soon. he wanted me gone.so i'll go.

i'll go away. for good. this time. i've made up my mind. i dont wanna feel betrayed anymore. i dont wanna feel unwanted anymore.

if God doesnt want to end things for me, then i'll take it in my own hands.