my bittersweet symphony

I know i cannot buy branded bags, shoes or clothes at a heartbeat or happily go for holidays anytime i feel like it because i always have other things

2011-12-15T21:31:00.000+08:00

2010-03-21T15:18:00.000+08:00

today marks the first week we are away from each other. it wasnt easy.

2009-11-16T20:14:00.002+08:00

u know, sometimes having a reminder or two helps us all to appreciate what we have in life..lately i find that i've been dissatisfied with hima and all of his stubborness..talked to him and all but things were just the same way..

then i stumbled upon a cousin of his who lost her bf..i think he died but i'm not sure how..and that brought tears to my eyes..cos u couldnt tell she was feeling sad at all..i met her a few times and always she'd be smiling..go to her fb and in all the pictures she'd be smiling..who knew she'd lost someone so dear to her..and to think that she can live on after that and even go out and have fun with her gfs and smile, that is like wow..

then i tried to put myself in her shoes..i think i'd be a wreck..i'd forget how to smile, i'd forget how to live and be human if i'd lost what she did..

then i got reminded again, that life is fragile..and that i could lose anyone i love anytime or they could lose me too..then i rmbr that i should be thankful that i have him, for now, even though he's as imperfect as me, because i'd never know when that day will come when either one of us is not here anymore..

2009-11-10T20:50:00.002+08:00

it's very upsetting when faced with reality.i'm getting stressed out abt the whole affair. and i'm not the kind who gets stressed out easily. i wish i was richer. i cant even think up of any wishful thinking.everytime i try to imagine how easy it would be if i were rich, my mind automatically blocks that out.

so there goes my wishful thinking. or daydreaming abt having things the easy way.

and the fact that someday, sooner or later, i'd have to go somewhere else and stay, is weighing down on me.i feel like walking on eggshells all day long, everyday.

and he isnt helping things any further.he's so stubborn sometimes, i forget which one of us is more stubborn.

i guess i'm tired. of arguing, of having doubts and worrying abt money (or the lack of). i just wish that things were simpler.

2009-10-21T20:26:00.002+08:00

the hopelessness sank in immediately, taking root into the core of my being, manifesting itself as i struggle to gain control. it enveloped me as i struggle to breathe thru my lungs, cutting out my air supply and choking me.

then i sank into the deepest black and i was blinded by the black sea of hopelessness.i was too tired to struggle any further and i let it seep into my skin, right down to my bones. i breathe out the last of the air in my lungs and collapse into tears.

there's nowhere far away for me. cause wherever i go, i'll always be there, were my last thought before i black out.

yeap, that was how hopelessness felt. my stay has been long overdue.

2009-10-01T23:56:00.000+08:00

just when i tot i can settle, i have to leave.

2009-09-18T01:26:00.002+08:00

so my fingers are healing fine, the wound that is..went to the poly yest to do the dressing..the wounds are closed and dry cos i've managed to keep it dry all this time..it's like i got the "Get out of Jail" card..i got out of doing housework..wohoo! not that i have to lift a finger cos fareed's around and he does most of the cleaning with his brother..

the index is still numb..i try to touch it and stimulate it everyday but doing that hurts very much..who knows my finger would be able to feel one day, right?

2009-09-15T22:17:00.002+08:00

ok so a few shitty things happened yest..

firstly, the damned cursed atm machine ate my card..my old grey card, the first type that posb issued bearing my full name got eaten by the dmned machine..and i was trying to withdraw a huge amt of money too..but thankfully my money wasnt deducted.i havent heard horror stories of money being deducted but the person never got the money..but i'm still pissed..i just made a new card..and it's blue (i hate blue) and doesnt have my name..it's so impersonal..i was so proud of that card..so very proud of it.sigh.

secondly..siti kene sampok..yup u got that right..i have never seen anyone being possessed before..and i was face to face with her, talking to her, trying to get her to fight off that thing..and the thing is, it's during bulan puasa yang mulia so i was asking myself, kenape dia kena kacau eh..but that was damn scary..when dia campak Quran and her eyes widen and her face to turn pale and she started screaming her head off, i tell you, half my soul actually ran away..haha! but i made myself berani and shouted some verse loudly at her and that made her scream even more..

after that the guys took over..her husband prayed while fareed held her down and started reciting some prayers..my legs were shaking..

then she was ok..but that thing masuk lagi..so dia kena kacau dua kali..

and the ironic part was that we were all looking forward to listening to misteri jamdoblas..and there, there waas one right in the living room..

that made me miss the timing to wish amalina happy birthday..

so that's my explanation babe..i'm not shitting abt it..

Stay with me - Finch

2009-09-14T13:51:00.002+08:00

Once again your eyes make it hard to say goodbye
So i'll just keep driving
Where do you wanna go?
It doesn't really matter as long as you are here with me
With me
With me

Whoa, there's something in the air tonight
Something that makes me feel alive and i say
Whoa, what were the words that you said to me
That made me feel so special now

Once again your eyes make it hard to ask you why
So i sit here knuckles tight
Hands against the wheel
Your head against the glass and you mean so much to me
To me
To me

Whoa, there's something in the air tonight
Something that makes me feel alive and i say
Whoa, what were the words that you said to me
That made me feel so special now

Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay with me)
Whoa (stay)
Stay with me
Cigarettes and open air, hand in hand
I said stay with me
Cuz every star that i see is brighter than the last
So stay with me

2009-09-13T14:35:00.002+08:00

all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go.

well, not all my bags..but one is..for now..i dont intend to go away forever..just a few days..to get my mind sorted out..i have been feeling down lately..since he told me he doesnt want me to be around during hari raya..as if i was planning to celebrate it in the first place..

i'm mentally prepared to leave..until he said i'd never see him again if i leave.

at first, i hesitated..of course i still wanna see him again..but then i was thinking, maybe, juat maybe it'd be a good idea to leave..it'd be best if we dont see each other again..

2009-09-11T14:05:00.002+08:00

i get irritated when i see a bunch of photos of anyone and in all the pictures, the person is smiling the exact same smile..argh! don't they have other kinds of smile? and what's worse when the smile is not even a smile..more like parting their lips slightly and passing that off as a smile..

sheesh..

2009-09-10T23:42:00.003+08:00

took off the stitches today.. i dont know which was worse, the stitching or taking it off. i guess both equally hurts..the pain from the wound wasnt the only thing that sucked big time..it was the pain frm the nerve..one side of my index finger has lost feeling..i can only feel very little..it's numb and will permanently stay that way..

the nerve pain is killing me..it's like getting electrocuted..u knw when u touch an exposed circuit and ur finger gets that numbed buzz? yeah, that's how it is..

on another note..i dont get it why people will state their suicidal intentions on facebook and let everyone that he/she knows read abt how depressed he/she is..that is totally seeking attention..that's stupid man..keep 'em to urself..AND if that person is feeling my physical pain right, i bet he/she would change his/her mind abt killing him/herself..hah!

2009-09-09T18:47:00.002+08:00

it's been a long time since i felt like giving up on life. he made me feel like that today. and they way he touched me scared me. like he was going to hit me. i dont ever want him to touch me anymore. i cringed at his touch. how can someone i love so much make me feel this way? feel so unwanted. he was all that i had. and he wanted me to go away during this period of time when i need someone real bad esp since it's going to be raya soon. he wanted me gone.so i'll go.

i'll go away. for good. this time. i've made up my mind. i dont wanna feel betrayed anymore. i dont wanna feel unwanted anymore.

if God doesnt want to end things for me, then i'll take it in my own hands.

2009-07-29T20:11:00.002+08:00

we had a good talk last night..but it took me going off without telling him, and him looking for me at the entire estate only to realise that i might be at the playground near his block.

and there i was..

he promised to share with me his concerns and problems from now on..if i'm not wrong, we've had this similar convo before.that just kills me..that he doesnt want to share with me..he said not everyone is the same and i told him to put himself in my shoes and imagine how he'd feel if i had a problem but i didnt share with him..

and he pinkie promised me..

for a while i tot, oh god, there's someone else..but no, i was just being paranoid..

i just hope that he'd be able to hold on to that promise..

and that i'd be able to remember the promise!

2009-07-27T19:02:00.002+08:00

now is really not a good time to be emotional but i am..it's the stupid hormonal imbalance..i feel like lashing out on people the whole day..one sec i'd be angry, the next i'd be sad..it's so stupid.
now..i saw this girl, not really a girl more like a lady.. she was wearing a tudong and she's the prettiest lady i've ever seen..she's got fair and flawless skin and she's got style and grace..

which got me thinking abt his ex..she's beautiful too..in fact she looks a bit like the lady i saw in the bus..and i was thinking maybe that is why he doesnt sacrifice for me so much..it's that i'm not as pretty as his ex..maybe he doesnt even love me as much as he did her..maybe that is why he chose to go to his rt even when im not feeling well..like he doesnt want to take care of me..

but he said he couldnt skip today cos it's his ippt..but he just had one last week! i dont know if he's lying..i dont know what to believe anymore..but he hasnt given me any reason not to distrust him..yet..

and that was why i teared up in the bus..it was insane man..i was so embarrassed..then i pretend to be rubbing my eyes..but the lump in my throat was still there..that was hard to swallow..

but maybe, just maybe, it's just the hormones talking..

i might just be going insane..

2009-07-24T00:45:00.001+08:00

ama i know i havent blogged in a while..i forgot my password.

it's been really frustrating. they're like freeloaders.leech.

2009-06-06T20:58:00.002+08:00

i know i havent blogged in a while.

i just dont have the time to do it anymore these days. it's either i'm at work or cooking here in this place i call home now. then after that i fall aslp exhausted, not even eating dinner.

and when he comes back, he'll wake me up, we'll eat together, i'll have my shower cos i didnt even have time to shower when i get back, then i'll fall aslp again.

it's the same routine everyday. and it gets worse during the weekends when he has to work. i'll be here alone if the others go out. like how i am today.and now. they're all at a relative's and im all alone.in this humid room.

sigh.

well at least it's better here than anywhere else. at least i get to look after him (when he's not working his ass off). get to cook for him and make sure he's well-fed.

so thats my life now. sometimes it gets sad. really sad.

2009-04-03T21:44:00.002+08:00

been sick for the last 3 days.fareed too.and no we did not passed it to each other.it just happened.

and im having my period.it's like a bloody double whammy.

and we're both easily irritated cos of the constant runny nose and sneezing.

it's like walking on eggshells right now.it's a bloody battlefield.take a wrong step and the bomb goes off taking ur limbs apart.

haha..

we'll see who survives..

till next time..

2009-03-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

my back is aching like crazy..and it's been 3 days..

damnit

2009-03-11T17:39:00.001+08:00

exactly two weeks later, and she's gone.

she may not be my mother but i mourn the loss of a mother.

innalillah.

2009-03-05T23:28:00.002+08:00

so today was the last day of the 4 day orientation and cust svc training. as if there are any customers in the lab. but i think wat the lab people need is more of attitude training.

it was fun. i bonded well with one of the girls in micro who came in a week after i did. it was also fun cos i'm being paid but am not working.

today we watched this show. it was called the secret. it tells us the secret to getting wat u want in life.how just by thinking of something u want, the universe will alter itself in order for u to get it. they called it the law of attraction. whatever u feel and think, be it positive or negative, gets attratced to u in ur life.

like how, for instance, u suddenly rmbr an old fren that u havent talked to in a while, and then in a freaky way, they get in touch with u. or if u were penniless and ur luck changed when u found money.or when u woke up and u snubbed ur toe, and because of that u emit out negative tots and feelings to the universe and u end up getting a bad day for the entire day. it's those sorta things that explain the law of attraction. just by thinking positive abt the things u want.

i'm sharing this with whoever who is willing to read my blog cos there's nothing for me to lose.

theres also nothing for u to lose just by trying this out.

if ur skeptical, then try wat i'm doing. i'm only going to think and imagine how it'd feel like if i strike the lottery (not that i gamble or anyting) for the whole week.heck, if i win, then it sure as hell mean something.

so the next time u think negative, rmbr, it will happen to u in the future.

2009-02-22T16:51:00.000+08:00

that's right baby! i'm back :)

2008-10-02T12:28:00.001+08:00

i've been feeling homesick lately. but when i'm home i wanna go out and meet him.

i think i just miss him alot.

and them too.

my bestfriends. including the boyfriend.

he's been promoted to the title of bestfriend.teehee!

2008-09-11T13:57:00.001+08:00

wow. has it been that long?!

2008-05-18T15:21:00.001+08:00

the haunted red house is really red in colour. and it's really haunted.

oh yea, been there, done that, baby! wohoo!

2008-03-26T12:27:00.001+08:00

last night i stuck out like a sore thumb. that wasn't the first and would definitely not be the last.

it's not like i'm having an identity crisis but i just hate the way they all dress. and the probably look down on how i dress too.

he'ssuch a mystery to me. why do i still hang around?

oh yeah, cos of that.

right.

2008-03-06T12:25:00.001+08:00

i know i have been secretive.

the girls know that something's up. but i'm not telling.yet.

i dun wanna jinx it. this time.

2008-01-30T15:03:00.000+08:00

alot of things happened in one night.

i asked a random cute guy to join us for a movie. but he declined.

watched a movie with two-third of my girlfrens.

and then we met ama.

we were screaming in the car on the way to ECP. cos she was driving quite fast.my gut feeling told me to strap on my seatbelt. good thing i said it out loud.the girls behind did the same.

then i saw the give way sign.

i screamed stop.

in my head, i was thinking, why arent we slowing down?

i looked at nat, she was just looking straight ahead.

that was when i saw the truck dangerously close and she stil didnt see it.

i think it was when we hit the truck then she started to scream.

i still can see the truck swerving, the driver trying to regain control of his truck at the back of my eyes.

it was so livid but yet felt like a dream.

i was badly shaken.

i was just glad that no one was hurt. and that i was there with her to experience her first accident.

i dont blame her and i never will. i felt guilty cos i was the one who playfully screamed in the car which made everyone else scream playfully.nat got distracted by us.

so it started fromme.

i kept thinking abt what would have happened if i'd stalled them when we were still in marina.

what would have happened if i didnt put my seatbelt on.

just cant stop thinking.

2008-01-23T13:06:00.000+08:00

damnit.

cant stop thinking. abt him. abt her.

cant drown out my thoughts either.

i hate having feelings.

2008-01-22T12:19:00.000+08:00

mothrefuckers, pls stop asking me to go back to school. which part of, i dont have any fucking money, do u not understand?

for the rest of the mofos, stop trying to pretend as if u can be trusted. one fucked up my heart, the pther fucked up my mind. thanks for the false security. i should have never trusted anyone. this is wat i get for being too naive.

and in case u motherfucker havent noticed, i'm human. i aint a fucking atm. i dont shit money for u. not anymore, anyways.

thanks a fuckalot everyone. i'm off to find another way.

2008-01-17T13:38:00.000+08:00

damnit. how come i'm all sappy now. cant stop thinking abt his smile. abt wat he said.

what's going on?!

argh. damnit.

his eyes, the way he looks at me. his manja voice.

ar fuck.

why is he tormenting me? why are u in my thoughts. get out!

2008-01-07T17:29:00.000+08:00

is it too late to make a resoultion?

oh well, it's not really one.just a plan.

i want to go back tp school. just not biomedical anymore.

a diploma.

in business management. part time.

talked to mum and she was the one who suggested it. makes sense actually cos i was planning to take it after my degree. but since i aint getting one now, she figured i take my dip now.

makes sense cos i still wanna own my own cafe.

but just not now. the timing isnt right.

but when has it ever been right? sigh.

when have i ever done the right thing? i might have just lost someone dear to me just over a petty thing.

i was so fucking stupid.

nay, i'm still so fucking stupid.

when will i ever learn my lesson?

2008-01-03T17:39:00.000+08:00

animal lovers, people with feelings, humans.whoever u are, pls watch this.

http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=fur_farm&Player=qt

2008-01-03T12:28:00.000+08:00

if u think i'm emo, u have to watch this and decide if i'm stil emo or not.

http://hopeisemo.com/

anyways, the reason i'm writing again is cos of this email i got from a friend of mine back in jc.

this was her email:

THIS EMAIL HAS BEEN CURSED ONCE OPENED YOU MUST SEND IT.You are now cursed. You must send this on or you will be killed. Tonight at12:00am, by Mickey Mouse. This is no joke. So don't think you can quicklyget out of it and delete it now because Mickey Mouse will come to you if youdo not send this on. He will slit your throat and your wrists and pull youreyeballs out with a fork. And then hang your dead corpse in your bedroomcupboard or put you under your bed. What's your parents going to do whenthey find you dead? Won't be funny then, will it? Don't think this is a fakeand it's all put on to scare you because your wrong, so very wrong. Want tohear of some of the sad, sad people who lost their lives or have beenseriously hurt by this email?
CASE ONE -Annalise Richmond :She got this email. Rubbish she thought. She deleted it.And now, Annalise dead.
CASE TWO -LouiseWhitefield: She sent this to only 4 people and when she woke up in themorning her wrists had deep lacerations on each. Luckily there was no painfelt, though she is scarred for life.
CASE THREE -Thomas Crowley: He sent this to 5 people. Big mistake. The night Thomas waslying in his bed watching T.V. The clock shows '12:01am'. The T.V misteriously flickered off and Thomas's bedroom lamp flashed on and offseveral times. It went pitch black, Thomas looked to the left of him andthere he was, Mickey Mouse standing in white rags. Blood everywhere with aknife in his hand then disappeared. The biggest fright of Thomas's life.

Warning... NEVER look in a mirror and repeat -'Mickey Mouse.Mickey Mouse.'Mickey Mouse... I KILLED YOUR SON' Is it the end for you tonight!
YOU ARE NOW CURSED We strongly advise you to send this email on. It is seriously NOJOKE. We don't want to see another life wasted. ITS YOUR CHOICE... WANNA DIETONIGHT? If you send this email to...NO PEOPLE - Your going to die.1-5 PEOPLE - Your going to either get hurt or get the biggest fright of yourlife.5-15 PEOPLE - You will bring your family bad luck and someone close to youwill die.15 -25 OR MORE PEOPLE - You are safe from Mickey Mouse

** DO NOT FORWARD COPY AND PASTE. RENAME THE SUBJECT ' Mickey Mouse'

i personally find it hilarious that mickey mouse would try to kill me. i havent forwarded it to anyone and i'm still waiting for him to show up. if i see that sonabitch i'll fucking skin him alive. so we'll see who kills who first, shall we?

2008-01-02T11:24:00.000+08:00

i almost forgot that i have a blog.

and pls people stop wishing me happy new year. why is it suppose to be happy anyways? do i look happy that the new year is here? do i look like i even care?

stop being optimistic.u will get disaappointed easily.

i'm not being pessimistic. i'm being realistic.

the first day of the new year and alrdy i had a bad day.

so stop wishing me happy new year.

Incubus Live in Singapore

2007-12-27T12:04:00.001+08:00

they're coming and i'm going to watch them.

enjoy =p

2007-11-21T17:28:00.000+08:00

he went to see his gf last night. at her place i guess.

then today she went to see him at his workplace.

it feels like someone stabbed me in the heart.

i guess it's not meant to be.

2007-11-19T12:43:00.000+08:00

i'm so fucking frustrated.

i cant fucking apply for the fucking bank loan cos i'm not 21 yet. and i havent paid for my fucking fees this sem.

i cant find any fucking applicant for my behalf cos no-fucking-one trusts me enough to pay the loan back.

it's not as if they'll be paying for me.

i'll be fucking paying for it. u know, the fucking reason i'm working like a fucking dog.

ARGH.

2007-11-16T10:10:00.000+08:00

what does the dream mean?

nothing.

why did i dream it?

cos i'm going to die soon.

so long eveyone.

2007-11-15T13:16:00.000+08:00

i'm still thinking of that dream. and it's seriously messing my head. i cant do anything abt it. he's got someone. but i cant help myself.

but he's got someone.

why did i have that dream?

sigh.

2007-11-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

a few months or years, i dunno when, i had a dream. of course i kinda forgotten abt that dream. i was somewhere in a park. and there was a guy with me. behind him was a lighted building. cos his back was turned towards the light, i couldnt see his face cos it was in the shadows. i had my elbow on my knee and i tilted my head to the left, as usual, listening to him talk abt something.

of course i cant rmbr the exact convo but i rmbr the feeling. it was intense. like i was in love with him.

when i woke up, i was dazed, wondering who this guy is and if he even existed. i knew it wasnt someone i know. i dunno how i know, but i just did.

and then yesterday night, it happened.

it fucking did.

the whole time i was sitting there, it didnt hit me. it was when i tilted my head.then it hit me.

so i told him. that i dreamt of him. somebody i didnt know existed.

it was like my dream came true. so guess that made him the guy of my dreams? lol.

oh, and i dreamt of my wedding day before. so we'll just wait and see if it's true.

2007-11-09T21:43:00.000+08:00

i'm tired.

and i'm always hungry.

does that explain enough?

ikat perut. even i know what it means.

i, of all people, know what it means.

2007-11-07T14:36:00.000+08:00

hehehehehehehe.

i know i can't stop giggling like a little girl. i just can't help myself.

hehehehehehheheh.

but it's just that, hehehe, well, hehehe, hehehehehehe!

hehe.

oh, he's cute.

hehehehehehe.

and hehehehhe, nice.

oh stop it damnit.

but but but but...

hehehehheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh.

so there, all i can do is go hehehehehehehehe.

hehe!

2007-11-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

i hate men!

that's it. i've made up my mind.

so insensitive. they think with their dicks. that makes them a wat, dickhead?

i wish i was gay. so that i wont feel the least bit attracted to them. why do i even like them in the first place?

why does any girl (and some guys) like them at all?

idunwannabewithanyguy.idunwannabewithanyguy.idunwannbewithanyguy.idunwannabewithanyguy.idunwannabewithanyguy!

but why do wake up extra early so that i won't miss the train that he always takes?

why do i even look forward to see him again?

why do i fell that tinge of green jealousy when i seem him take intimately to her?

argh! i hate having feelings. i hate the fact that i'm so complicated and complex.

why do i get my mood swings when i keep saying i dont give a flying fuck?

once again, i wish i was a non-living thing. like a rock maybe, or a tree.

2007-10-31T23:08:00.000+08:00

it pisses me of to read that 3 british guys made fun of the poor old trishaw uncle.

there had been a lot of response from singaporeans, defending their own. i guess i feel secure, should i ever be ridulculed, i have people to defend me.

but then, the issue was made that since they were foreigners, that's why we blew things out of proportion.

but nobody stopped to think that if a bunch of singaporeans were to bully a brit elderly, they (being the brits) would blow their tops too.

but u know wat, i won't fret abt the issue. it's not that all brits are inconsiderate bastards. just a handful of them. and that handful happened to holiday in singapore.

this incident reminded me of my own encounter with a bunch of white guys.

we were at the taxi stand, waiting for ama to catch her taxi home. there were two other groups of people ahead of her and a longer line behind her. there weren't many taxis turning into marina square taxi stand.

a couple of on-call taxis turned in, cos some people who couldnt wait that long decided to blow their cash on the expensive calls.

anyhow, i saw 4 white guys walking towards the kerb, talking and looking for a cab. mine u, the line was less than a feet from where they were standing.

i swore i thought they were waiting for the taxi taht they called, cos thats wat some people did.

and then a taxi with passenger turned in. as soon as the passengers stepped out, they made a mad dash in. of course people in front were peeved. one of the girls actually told them to get in line. but they were alrdy in it and refused to get out.

everyone else just stared daggers at them cos they felt helpless.

i was just plain annoyed. i mean, forget wat race you are. be a fucking civilized human being for god's sake.

poeple made queues just so that we can have some order in this disorderly world.

but if ur too fucking stupid to even do that, then u have an intelligence of a fucking terrapin.

that's right, ur iq has just been lowered to a terrapin's level.

of course i read abt the trishaw thing on the newpaper. i have this love hate relationship with the paper. there was particularly one article that disgusted me.

it was abt a couple whose photographer got drunk and lost their wedding photographs.

i mean what the fuck?!

ur fucking wedding photos and there's one whole fucking page for u.

they said they were traumatised. i mean come on people. i dun give a flying fuck abt ur lost photos that cost 10k. it just goes to show that u spend alot of money on wasteful things. u could have donated that money to others in third world contries and feed a whole family for 5 years at least.

but no. u had to be a fucking selfish pig and spend it on ur fucking wedding photos. wat the fuck for anyways? why are weddings so fucking special anyways?

but i digress.

i feel disgusted. to be human. to have feelings.

why can't i be a tree or flower?

2007-10-31T13:06:00.001+08:00

oh yeah!

mcr here i come!

wohoooo!

2007-10-29T12:51:00.000+08:00

why cant i stop thinking abt the conversation last night? i even brought it to my dreams and cos of that i woke up late.

and why cant i stop thinking abt u. i dont even know you. u scared me the first time i saw you.i know nothing can ever happen but why cant i put u aside? i'm still healing a broken heart. i dont want to do this again.

it was a lovely ride. quiet and emotional.we should do it again.

when i look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see. nothing but my own mistake staring back at me, asking why.

2007-10-27T00:53:00.000+08:00

he suddenly popped into my head. not really sudden cos i was listening to my mp3. like really listening. hearing the songs that songs that he likes too.

and then he came to mind.

after what mum told me abt getting married and all, it got a little emotional.

the guy i almost had..

that is what kills me. the only human who would ever sincerely listen to me. and the only human i would ever listen to.

why did u have to be so perfect?

why oh why?

i scared myself when i realised what i had tried to do when i lost him. i still couldnt believe i was going to do that for another human being. but if the occasion calls for it, i'd do it again. but just for him.

i wonder if he rmbrs me. our conversations. our jokes. my drean abt the ocean turning into a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket.

i scared myself even more when i realised i want to wait for him. cos i'm willing to.

cos he's definitely worth it.

2007-10-23T17:22:00.000+08:00

and as if the drama wasn't enough, mom told me to get married when i turn 21.

lol.

i have abt 8 months left then.

so til then, if any of u have a suitor in mind, lemme know. that'll be just peachy.

2007-10-22T16:55:00.000+08:00

my jaw hurts from all the yawning.

sleep, where art thou?

2007-10-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

I don’t want to physically talk abt it. It’s so useless. That’s why.

Now i need to get a place of my own. Give it a name, home maybe? How it hurts to know and even guess that the people i see all around are going home. Home. How come it’s so hard for me to even get that.

I am not welcomed here anymore. I thought i was. I am afterall their flesh and blood. But hell, i was wrong. How did it get so wrong?

Why is she more welcomed to stay here than i am? She’s not even family. Not yet anway.

Mom spelt it out to me. They don’t love me anymore and that hurt me like fuck. U don’t tell someone something like that. Then she told me that her husband has a place on “standby” for me. But she told me to BEHAVE myself.
Oh yes, i have to stop wrecking havoc everywhere i go. Damnit woman.

So now i have a few options. I’m not pessimistic, so of course i have a few ideas in mind.
Option a is to take on another job, demand for more pay. That way i can still continue with school.
Option b is to marry a fucking rich guy. This is nearly impossible cos i cant even get a fucking decent one.
Option c would be to drop out (ouch! Did i hear my heart breaking?) from school. This is to ensure that i have enough to eat from day to day.
Option d, is of course as a last resort, is to just die. Yep, curl up and die.

So for now, i’m hanging on to option a. I dun want to have to slip all the way to d now, would i?

And i’m so sorry for blowing everyone who’s asking me to go for jalan raya. Not that i’m wanted anyway. But it’s just that none of u can ever go to my home. Home? Wat home? See, that’s wat i mean. Paisey la, if go to ur houses and then stop at my turn. So i rather not face the embarrassing situation. Plus i’m not in my happiest of moods to go “celebrating” and walk around in uncomfortable shoes that i blew my precious money on. i’d rather fast forever. Maybe i will have to soon. Haiz, wells.

2007-10-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

The malay dramas are so fucking annoying. Like come on, u see someone u know lying on the floor, bleeding from the mouth with no apparent reason, what do u do?

a) U quickly call the ambulance
b) U cradle the person’s head and start crying

Of course they all chose option b. It’s logical to them. Argh, stupid motherfuckers. Even tho it’s just a damn show. And why do people watch these stupid shows? I mean, don’t they have enough drama in their own pathetic lives?

I so fucking hate them. We were supposed to watch arts central. They have them movies on every Sunday night at 10pm. But NO, they just HAVE to watch their fucking malay drama. Then that asshole stopped snoring, as if on cue, after the drama. She started complaining that there aren’t any ghosts. Like DUH. Of course they haven’t come out yet. Then he was being a smart ass by changing the channel to watch fucking SOCCER and saying that that was the ghost story, the fucking SOCCER.

ARGH. These mofos and their annoying habits. So fucking disgusting, i feel sick to my stomach. Thats the fucking reason why i lost my appetite to eat.

And the way they treat each other, hard to believe they’re actually flesh and blood. She treats him like he’s a fucking 10 year old when he’s a fucking adult. And he treats he like dirt, even though she pampers him.

It’s amazing that they’d rather watch soccer then what i wanted to watch. I’m so fucking annoyed i want to rip their lungs out. Rip their guts out, let it spill on the floor. Feel the warmth of their blood on my hands and let it soak through my clothes.

Funny i don’t have anything against the other one. And she’s not my own flesh and blood.

2007-10-07T14:00:00.000+08:00

i cant believe they're fighting. over a misunderstanding that is now blown right out of it's proportion. do they even realise that they might lose the thing that most people would kill for? their friendship.
i dunno where mine is. what she's up to now, i dun think she is one anymore. it's not like we fought, we just drifted apart. too busy to care abt each other. i dun blame her. i dun blame myself either. cos even when we do meet, it's strained.

i'm sorry i couldnt meet u. i'm sorry ur having a tough time and i'm not there. i hope u understand. i have my demons to deal with. and u of all people know abt that.

i'm misplaced. displaced. how it hurts to see others happily with their own.

only God knows how much.

2007-09-29T14:43:00.000+08:00

just trying out the image thing. this is how i looked when i flashed him my killer smile.

2007-09-29T12:44:00.000+08:00

see wat my smile can do to people i dun know:

i got on the train this morning. a guy caught my eye. of course there were a few others but he was the most good looking one there. he's maybe around his late twenties, short hair cut and a killer goatee. he's got a sexy nose too. then as the journey bagan, i caught him looking at me. by the time we were at queenstown, we were smiling stupidly at each other. of course i gave him my shy-est smile. then we got to raffles place and there were 3 seats empty, so i took the one in the middle, and the next thing i knew, he was beside me. then he fidgetted for a while as he was looking for his handphone. i knew he wanted my number. i saw him type in his msg box, "my number is 9XXXXXXX.." then he typed something else i couldn't see cos i was reading it from the corner of my eye. then he quickly saved it. now, i was getting down at bugis and i was glad it was only 2 stops away. cos although he was cute and all, he was a bit queer, dun u think? haha. so i got up, turned around a flashed him my most dazzling smile. and then i was gone.

i love train rides!

2007-09-25T17:53:00.000+08:00

there was a big hoohaa over something in school. apparently my class rep went to sso to inform her that some of the classmates arent happy with the lecturer for always coming in late. this apparently made the person in question upset.

she emailed us twice abt getting us to sign a petition to get another lecturer for that module.

of course there were responses from the class to this issue. and all of them dont see a need to get another lecturer. so why the big fuss, damnit? i mean no one wanted to replace her, why is she trying to replace herself? and she cant just assume that all those who didnt turn up are unhappy with her. i just happened to have some other commitments on that day. plus i'm allowed to skip 2 lessons, max, for each module. so why the fuss?

and then of course, people started pouring in their reflected sentiments and their 2 cents worth. do they think it's necessary? seriously? ur just flooding my damn inbox. so stop it, man. stop trying to sound intellectual.

anyhow, the board recokns that she wont be lecturing us anymore. all i can say is, thank goodness. cos although it's juicy gossip and all, it's worth nothing more than that.

there, i've said it. of course i'm nice enough not to email to every damn one of u. that would be very inconsiderate of me.

2007-09-20T13:04:00.000+08:00

i'm not to be taken advantage of u bastard. just cos i'm easy going doesnt mean i'm an easy target.

arsehole.

2007-09-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

poeple confuse me. they piss me off, worry me, hurry me.

and then i felt sick. everytime i break my fast i feel like heaving. maybe it's normal, but maybe i'm sick and dying. just maybe.

it feels like i'm back against a wall of tall grim soldiers. i can't move anywhere. i'm just stuck. argh, i hate this feeling of redundant-ness. it's like fuck.

2007-09-07T00:02:00.000+08:00

so here i am, at my aunt's with my cousin. we're having a sleepover here.

the swollen sore eye is healing. it has to anyways. i'm going back to work tmr. it's still sore, and a bit swollen. but it'll heal. can't say i'm excited for work after 3 days of nothingness.haha,

anyhow, i'm going to have to change to a different model. but i'm alrdy attached to this one. damn that stupid salesman at courts for recommending this one. doesnt he know that i get attached to things easily?!

oh wells.

ps. my hp batt is very low and i fear that it'd die before dawn rises, so my cousin's using her hp to set the alarm. seeing that both of us are not morning people, she suggested that we set the alarm to an annoying ring tone. and guess wat she set it as? rihanna's umbrella! go figure!

muse unintended

2007-09-02T23:05:00.001+08:00

You could be my unintended choice
to live my life extended
you could be the one i'll always love

you could be the one who listens
to my deepest inquisitions
you could be the one i'll always love

i'll be there as soon as i can
but i'm busy mending broken
pieces of the life i had before

first there was the one who challenged
all my dreams and all my balance
she could never be as good as you

you could be my unintended choice
to live my life extended
you should be the one i'll always love

i'll be there as soon as i can
but i'm busy mending broken
pieces of the life i had before

i'll be there as soon as i can
but i'm busy mending broken
pieces of the life i had before

before you

2007-08-28T22:42:00.000+08:00

yeay!! i'm finally online. i'm trying to download msn but i'm finding it hard. and the damn camera is still not working.

so i'm using meebo for now, yea. haha.

finally.

2007-08-13T17:38:00.000+08:00

check this out:

www.myspace.com/monofonemusic

really awesome local band. if u like muse, u'd definitely love them.

Under Pressure- The Used and My Chemical Romance

2007-08-13T17:34:00.001+08:00

The Cranberries - Linger

2007-08-06T08:36:00.001+08:00

2007-08-02T13:16:00.000+08:00

check out http://www.zaistudios.com/ for this saturday's gig.

come support local talent.

oh yes, baybeats is on from 3rd to 5th Aug. anyone interesting in going with me? =>

\m/

2007-07-31T08:22:00.000+08:00

i finally got a funny update to tell the whole world. actually i have everyday but this one i can still rmbr. (cos it happened yesterday)

so after the paper, which i had "mixed feelings" abt, i decided to follow the brain go to chinatown for an audition for a commercial since sabbie who organised the study grp decided to ditch me the last minute.

we got kinda lost, thanks to brian. it was like the blind leading the blind. after sweating and moaning, we finally reached the place. the moment i entered the room, all the girls were staring at me.apparently they were jealous of me and the pencil in my hair. and they were thinking, wow, that guy (referring to brian) is so lucky to know that awesome girl.

apparently, i look good enough to be on tv. so i tried out. it was the most gruesome and embarrasing thing ever. i had to smile really long while they took profile shots of me. i wonder how the ms universe do it. and guess wat my line was? "nanti, nanti" haha! i was auditioning for the role of a nurse!

after that we wandered around aimlessly (me) trying to find a power point for my dear brain. we finally found one at starbucks. and this was where it got hilarious. i took a leak (make that 2) in the gnts! haha!
the ladies was locked so i just did my business in the gents. the second time i was there, a guy came in after me. i tot for sure i'd be busted. haha!

and then as i was walking home using this dark scary short cut, i saw this really weird lady at the overhead bridge. she was just walking slowly and in the middle of it. i got really freaked out cos i had to pass her. the closer i got to her, the more she appeared headless. i totally lost it. so i paniked and called none other than brain. haha. he was laughing at me cos i started to hyperventilate.

it turns out she wasnt a ghost. she was just this mad old lady the whole neighbourhood (except me) knew abt.

oh well.

and i do suck at oral, brain =p

2007-07-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

i saw sparks. or i tot i did. oh well, i guess i am getting older. i feel more tired and mellowed. p-lus i alrdy a nephew. that makes me an aunty doesn't it?

then i guess i am one.

sigh.

2007-06-27T13:04:00.000+08:00

the big 20.

i'm in my twenties?! no longer a teenager. not yet an adult. then wat am i?

nothing. thats wat.

2007-06-19T22:04:00.000+08:00

i am not looking forward to next tuesday. nothing to look forward to.

things have been an awful mess. just wished it was all a dream.

just a fucking dream.

2007-05-25T14:43:00.000+08:00

i guess it's over.

too busy to care or cry.

2007-05-22T14:17:00.000+08:00

no part timers please. i dont want anymore part time boyfriends.

that doesnt mean i'll be a full time girlfriend.

haha.

2007-05-18T12:21:00.000+08:00

i'm still contemplating. wondering if i should let myself be stuck with you. cos u dont seem to care if u hurt me these days. i know it was my fault last night. i apologise.

but the only reason why u made such a big fuss was cos u waited for me. for 15 mins before u called. i'm sorry. i think that was a bit too long for ur liking, isnt it.

scream at me again, and i'll hang up on you again. u want to show me ur indifference, i'll show u mine. don't be mistaken, i still care. but my patience is wearing thin. u've been stretching it for far too long.

only after i said goodbye, then u soften up on me. do i have to keep doing this to make u care? if i do, then i'm not sure if ur worth my time. this is unlike me, i've nvr been so practical..and heartless. but u made me this way.

but the qns is now, do i go? or sit down and stay?

2007-05-09T14:04:00.000+08:00

phone conversations are suppose to start with a polite hello and an even polite and slightly sad goodbye. not just putting the phone down when the person is still on the line with you. that's just rude man.

and you:
stop thinking abt the past. stop feeling bad abt wat happened. it's not as if i was traumatised abt the whole break up.oh pls. get over yourself. it's getting old and boring. i know u'm cute and hot and sexy. dont have to tell me that ok. and i'm sticking to my decision. i'm never going back to you.

as for you:
stop being paranoid. i dont normally say this to people who aren't me but you've got to bloody hell calm down. it's not gonna help you or me. what's done has been done and it won't be too late either to do anything after you've settled your stuff.

geez man.

2007-04-30T10:28:00.000+08:00

i saw the encore of miss singapore universe. it's funny how they can stand on stage half naked and still smile. if it were me, i'd be in a pissy mood man. and when they announced the winner, i had a laugh. they were asking stupid qns like which one of the two left would be crowned. it's funny, cos they shld be asking instead, which ugly one wld win! and wat's all the hoohah abt man? they both look the same to me.

and i've proved myself more than once that i'm psychic.

and pls stop trying to run me over.

2007-04-27T09:33:00.000+08:00

i almost didnt make it to work in one piece today. why? cos of all those mofos on the road. drivers, pls la keep in ur fucking lane man. and dont switch lane rapidly balls. and for goodness sake, check ur fucking blindspot. wat the hell is the point of ur instructors teaching u that if ur not going to practice it. there are motorists u know, not just u fucking cars using the road.

and pedestrians, if i hit u, it's ur stupid fault for not looking out for traffic. didnt ur mom teach u to look left, right then left? stupid idiots, i tell ya!

of course my selet-ing skills have improved. but that doesnt mean i wont try to fucking run u over. haha!

oh yes, happy 26th!

2007-04-26T09:57:00.000+08:00

i dont understand why she'd cry. i mean, i'm sure she doesnt know that i know. i think she must gave guessed i'm mad at her abt something. thats why i stopped talking to them. but he just doesnt seem to get it. oh well.

2007-04-25T13:22:00.000+08:00

you can see it's lunch time. the office is empty. so is my stomach and heart. i am hungry but i dont have any mood or drive to go eat. so i stay here alone.

it wasn't i miss you, neither was it pardon me. it was love hurts that caught my attention. I've heard this somewhere before in my past. and it rekindled melodramatic feelings. something abt that song. where have i heard it before? where damnit?

and i stopped talking abt it or to them. not like they care. i think they alrdy know why. and i think they've taken desperate measures to make me talk to them. but it's not going to work. whatever this thing is inside me is going to protect me from them. keep myself safe from them.

safe from everyone.

2007-04-24T15:44:00.000+08:00

Just cos i'm sad doesnt mean i fought with my boyfriend. Or what is left of him.

Just cos i'm emo doesnt mean i cut my wrists.

So stop assuming people.

2007-04-24T13:57:00.000+08:00

new skin.

shed the old one. of course lost a few things, like the other bloggers.

people who i called frens.

ar fuck it.

2007-04-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

this is where i retreat into my cancerian shell.

pls leave me alone. everyone.

thank you.

2007-04-23T14:07:00.000+08:00

i never thought i'd go hungry again. i thought that was all in the past. i guess i was wrong.

haiz. my lunch today was a small pack of twisties. i guess that's gd enough.

wat can i say? i've been banished to the corners of hell til i cant differentitate between friends and foes.

and if u see me laugh out loud or smile wickedly to myself, pls excuse me. it's not that i've gone mad, i'm just thinking abt the DATE. i dunno why but it gets me everytime. it's not tragic anymore, it's just plain funny. imagine that, just one month before ur date of birth. haha. u found out u were an accident. haha! u found out u were a bastard. hahaha! thats damn funny i tell ya.

oh my god, i cant stop laughing, i have twisties coming out of my nose. hahahahahahaha!!!

just a kind advice, check the year ur parents were married. make sure it's at least nine months before ur date of birth if ur the first child.

but hey, it's still damn funny.

haha!

i dun feel sorry for u cos it was ur mistake. i am ur mistake. i didnt ask to be ur mistake. u shld have just gotten rid of me while u still could. so now u have to pay the consequences of having me. well, too bad for u. i just feel sorry for myself. thats all.

but it's still so fucking funny.

haha!

2007-04-23T09:59:00.000+08:00

i'm surprised at how patient i am being with u. yes, even i astound myself at how stupid i'm being.why is it that i was never like this before except when it came to you. one day a car will hit me cos i'll be too busy thinking abt u.i won't see the damn car and it'll fucking hit me. i swear that'll happen. and when it does, i'll have u to blame. if i'm still alive that is.

and everytime i call, i'll always reach ur mailbox. i've always reached even when i really need u.

on another note, thanks for checking up on me. i know it's a damn hard time for me but i'm trying to gather all my thoughts together. i'm trying to be as normal as possible but it's hard when u guys keep asking if i'm ok. i know ur good intentions, i can smell them. but when i need ur company, i know u'll all be there. so till then, dun worry abt me. i'll be just fine and dandy.

but for u, i wont tell u anything anymore cos ur always freaking out and backing everyone else but me.thanks for trying to help but didnt. thanks for not being there with me when ur happy. thanks for spitting on me when i'm alrdy at my lowest. i guess whatever it is ur mum said abt me is true so u dun have to feel upset abt it or defend me anymore.

and you, thanks for planting the seed of doubt in my head. i guess u were right. well, of course, ur always right, right? i dun have to tell u anything anymore right? u'll just know, just like that. right?
right.

pull the trigger and the nightmare stops sounds more tempting as each day passes by. it's like a yummy chocolate-drenched cake. slurp.

then today when i woke up, yesterday felt like the movies.

and the dream i had abt u...
it's been years since i dreamt abt u. it's giving me false hope all over again.
u held my hand, laughed and smoked. only in my deep conscience would that really happen.

haiz, he said there's a reason for eveything. why all these is happening to me. and i'm just waiting for the reason to come in mind. i just hope it's soon before i lose my mind.

2007-04-20T10:55:00.000+08:00

on the surface, i look like how i always do. sad, jaded and emo.

but deep down it's far worse. only God knows how heartbroken i am. But God doesn't give a flying fuck abt me. Cos God is too busy making other people's lives perfect.

Geez.

2007-04-19T18:00:00.000+08:00

Life sure has a sick sense of humor. First it taught me to love. Then it took that away and left me in the dust. Then it taught me to love again, cos hey, i tot whatever happened in the past won't happen again, right?

I mean what are the odds of someone i care abt getting married to somebody else?

Zilch to zero, right?

WRONG.

Let's just say, it's deja vu.

So then i try to pick myself up and life throws me a curve ball.

What am i going to do now? Why is it so dramatic and tragic? Why damnit?

And this is the precise reason why i don't believe in you. Yes, i'm talking to you. You ask me why i hate u, this is the reason why. Look at me and how everything around me is falling apart. And you ask why i don't believe in you. I hate you.

2007-04-16T10:22:00.000+08:00

i dunno where to begin. u stood me up on saturday. but still i took it in. u always said that there's a reason for everything. but i see no reason why u did it. i'm not jumping to conclusions that's why i'm so confused. u could be happily talking to me and when i ask the right qns, u shut me off. u don't reply, pick up my calls and worse switch off ur phone.

there's only so much a person can tolerate and i've reached the point where i want to give up on us. i dun want to be crying myself to sleep every night thinking abt u.

i know i'm fighting a losing battle. and i know i told u i wont give u up so easily but as u pointed out, i'm at the losing end either way u make ur decision.

so i'm making it easier for u and for me. i'll do what i've always done. i'll take myself out of the picture. i'll disappear and whatever's left are memories of me.

thank you for ur time. thank you for the smiles and laugh. thank you for the letter and the lyrics. thank you for once being there for me. and most of all, thank you for loving me. even though it means nothing to u anymore.

this will be my last entry to you. i'm sorry for all the misery i've caused. know that i'll alwyas love you.

take care. goodbye.

2007-04-13T09:14:00.000+08:00

i wish i was the ocean. neither living nor dead. calm and peaceful on the surface. but raging underneath.

i'll dig my toes into the sand. i'll look at the ocean. it'll look like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. i'll lean against the wind and pretend that i am weightless. and in that moment i'll be happy damnit.

i'd wish i wasnt there alone. i'd wish u were here.

i'll count the ufos. and signal them with my lighter. and in that moment i'll stay happy.

and when i leave, i'll forget abt u and all the things that u've done. i'll get my life straighten out.it'll work out. it'll work out.

if i say that often enough, it might just come true.

2007-04-12T17:38:00.000+08:00

i hate it when i'm kept in the dark.

i hate it when u leave me alone with no word at all, then come back and sweep me off my feet again.

i hate it when u ignore me.

i hate it when u dun tell me the important things abt urself.

i hate it when i'm mad at u and u make things right without even knowing it.

most of all, i hate u cos i love u.

2007-04-11T10:11:00.000+08:00

it feels like i'm having a broken heart attack.

and the migraine's creeping up again.

oh please, will someone just kill me pls. put me out of my misery.

2007-04-05T10:24:00.000+08:00

hmmm....

nothing much to hate.

hehe. u know what that means right kids?

oh yes, that's right.

2007-03-29T17:05:00.001+08:00

why oh why?

2007-03-28T18:12:00.001+08:00

why does saying the right thing sounds wrong?

2007-03-28T15:18:00.000+08:00

just one word of caution to guys out there:
i am not to be fucked round with.
period.

2007-03-27T16:21:00.000+08:00

one day i hope i'll be in a bad accident and get mangled up or something just to show that u guys are right. u keep talking abt accidents as if u want me to be involved in one. one day, i'll show u ur right. i'm sick of having to listen to u nag at me everyday. as if i dunno the fucking dangers. i know the risks when i took my license so stop telling me that. it's redundant and repetitive.

not to mention now i'm spending my lunch time in the archive room, doing mindless filing. yea, that's my dream job alright. oh wait, ur dream job for me right?

and i cant go anywhere even though i have my own bike. that defeats the purpose of getting one doesnt it?

yes that's right. my life is just perfect. the story of my life.

2007-03-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

everything i say now is a deathblow. i cant shoot my mouth anymore or i will be shot down.

where's the fun in that anymore?

i just said i missed you and then u said goodbye. hmm.. that makes sense because..

oh wait, no it doesnt make sense. but to u it does right?

because thats ur ans for everything isnt it?

to run away and hope ur past doesnt catch up to u.

look, i'm no longer that stupid lil girl. i can take care of myself. because of u i was forced into this situation and i grew from it. u wouldnt believe how much i've been through after u. u'd regret it even.

since u like to run away so much, i'll do u a favour and cut myself out of ur life.

it's better off this way for u right?

that works for u right?

dont look for me anymore. i'm just a memory to u. i've always been, havent i?

2007-03-23T14:00:00.000+08:00

muse.

think abt it.

2007-03-22T14:04:00.000+08:00

There's no somewhere for me. No place far enough away. Because no matter where i go, I'll always be there.

2007-03-16T13:38:00.000+08:00

i was at the traffic light waiting for the lights to cahnge when i heard a scooter behind me.

so i looked behind to see the vespa. nothing wrong with it right?

the guy stopped beside me and turned to talk to me.

he asked for my name, where i was going. then he asked the weirdest qns, he asked for my number. the lights were goinna change so i told him and he tried to rmbr it.

then as we were moving off, he asked if he could follow me. i just smiled. i would've told him, then if he could keep up in his vespa, then hell yea, he could follow me.

haha, but then when we got to the expressway, he lost me.

oops, sorry dude, i just need the speed.

i guess he forgot my number cos i haven't heard from him.

haha.oh well.

Pennywise- Something to change

2007-03-16T13:36:00.000+08:00

Another boring day just fades away a cycle that's never gonna change
Another casualty of humanity awash in my own stupidty
It's like I don't want to try
There's no reason why a cyborg that's waiting around to die
Got nothing left to prove I got no excuse a wasteoid with nothing left to lose

I'm waiting for my own salvation
I got to get out - there's no time to waste

Cause I need something to change
Something to break - Some way to get away
Some way to get away from you

A never-ending game - always the same - forever spent waiting for the day
I know there's gotta be some place for me where I can escape this misery
The more and more I try it just seems that I get further from what I want in life
There's nothing I can do I got no excuse a reject who hasn't got a clue

I'm waiting for my own salvation I got to get out - there's not time to waste

2007-03-15T09:47:00.000+08:00

Why laa?

i'm just so fucking jealous. i don't even know why.

i guess i'm just afraid that i'd get hurt again.

so why laa did i ever fall for it again?

fuck it man. if anything goes wrong i'll blame you, amalina.

muahaha.

i just want him all to myself. no sharing pls.

2007-03-07T12:30:00.000+08:00

The raeson why i havent been in here is cos they've asked me to get an account with google
but i'm just too damn lazy to.